Monday, May 18, 2009

Worth it

This is going to be a shameless ramble; you've been warned.

I'm was at my momma's the other day and we were talking about how things are going with me and all of a sudden I started crying. A lot. I'm not big on crying. And she started saying things like I've had a really rough year and she was amazed I'm still out having fun and not crying myself to sleep in the bathtub. Which got me feeling reflective.

This year sucked. Like majorly, majorly sucked. I was supposed to be married and well on my way to being a happy homemaker mommyblogger by now. But instead I am single and kind of live like most college kids. I've lost my best friend and had to watch him make a royal mess of his life without being able to help him. Without really wanting to help him.

This year has also been one of the best years I've known. Awesome in fact. I've travelled to San Fransico on a whim for a weekend. My dad and brother and I went to Yosemite park where I hugged a redwood and stood at the edge of a cliff. I went on a trip to Philly and NYC with a guy whom I hardly knew before this year to visit a girl I hardly knew as well. I hopped around Italy for two weeks with my brothers and father. I got promoted at work. I moved to a new and amazing apartments closer to downtown. I go out all of the time and I see more of my family.

And then I start thinking about my friends. I was kind of at a loss for awhile in my city - I had a couple of girlfriends but we only saw each other every now and then. I am so grateful for my friend Josh. We worked together and I blabbed on and on about my relationship issues and he (and everyone else at work) could see how sad I was. So he invited me out a few times. I don't really remember the first time or two I went - I'm sure I wasn't too much fun but at least I was out. And I met a group of people that have made this year out of this world amazing.

I now hang out with a handful of people that now feel like a family. We get together at least once a week and usually much more often. I wasn't really sure about where I was going to fit in with this group. I wasn't dating any of the single guys and I didn't want to feel out of place with the couples. But they all embraced me and took me in. I was continually excited when the girls invite me out or any of them call me to do something. A lot of this is my insecurity - I usually feel like people who invite me out don't really want me to come over or whatever, so when I get to the point where I feel comfortable going over to someone's house just becuase, it's a big deal for me. We joke that I ninjaed my way into this group, that they just came around one day and I was there, part of the gang. And I am. I no longer need Josh to go hang out with any of them - in fact I see some of these people more than he does.

Now most of them are moving closer to where I live and I could not be happier. I feel like I've found my own little sense of community and family really. One of them offered to drive me an hour to get me to my car once - without being asked. We talk about taking trips together - heck Josh and I went to Philly/NYC on a whim. Concerts, movies, camping trips - we have our own shared google calendar to keep up with each other. When we get together a lot of the times we'll sit down and eat "family dinners."

What I guess I'm gushing about is this: I've had a rough time lately, but it was worth it. I'd do it again next year if I had to, if these people were the payout. I'll take seven friends over one crummy relationship. It's taken me awhile people - but I think I learned a little something this year.

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