Put down the cheese

While already feeling a little chunky lately, I went home and tried on my wedding dress. You can guess where this is heading. I think I need to lose about 8-10 pounds before I can comfortably zip that sucker up. Which is frustrating.

After being vegan for six months, I moved back to Madison and promptly began eating all of the brats and cheese that came my way. And I no longer fit in my skinny jeans.

However, I do like the way my body looks most of the time. I've always been a curvy girl and always will be. And I have been trying to promote self-love and I've been reading about feminism and loving what I have been reading so the idea of making myself loose weight to fit into a dress seems a little weird.

However, the dress cost almost 2 grand, so I think I have to suck it up and put down the Havarti.

Because please tell me if there is any other day in a woman's life when she is looked at more, with more scrutiny and intensity than when she shows up at the end of a wedding aisle? I can't think of one. Whenever anyone talks about any girl getting married it always seems like how the bride looked is a huge deal, but never how the guy looks.

So I am trying to find a balance between not wanting to go on a diet and still loosing a little. We're looking at gyms this week and I'm hoping some regular exercise will help. Plus it will give me a chance to listen to Lady GaGa without Geoff looking at me funny.

But that pull, that deep pull to stop eating everything I like and go back to nibbling on toast and popcorn is there. While in my dress unzipped, I can't help but think of myself as a Junior in undergrad when I had lost so much weight from depression. And I'm looking back fondly on that time because at least I would have gotten in my dress now - I fail to realize that I would not be able to hold it up though. The whole thing makes my stomach queasy because of how hard that compulsive need to diet and obsess about one's weight is just hammered into our little heads.